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Last Wednesday, I went to Wood Hull Hospital in Williamsburg to talk about nicotine. A meeting, beforehand, went this way and that, took too long and drove me kind of nuts. By the time I 'went on,' I raved about salvation from nicotine addiction, shouting at the top of my lungs for the better part of a half-hour (I actually pounded on the table several times out of effusive anger—such is my passion these days on the subject).
I believe that the firm readiness to quit (the knowledge that “it’s finished”) is usually much more easily arrived at with the support that one finds from Nicotine Anonymous.
That final determination can cut off the urges for a cigarette. I feel that I have to continue my attendance at NIC/A fellowships to keep getting the reinforcement I need for my current orientation toward my addiction.
Getting rid of cigarettes is something that happened for me over five years ago. Getting rid of overwhelming emotion—the rush in the churning gut—the out of control upset of any type—that, I am still dealing with.
We are used to people saying, “I'm upset. Talk to me.” And it works. I see that we can be “talked down off the ledge.” Can I talk myself down?
Can I ask, “What just happened?” “What upset me just now?” “Is there an unresolved issue?” “Did I just hear something which made me anxious or feel like something needs to be resolved?” “Can I apply myself to the task of resolving any of this?” “Can I call a loved one and talk myself out of my harried state?” “Can I tear myself away from something that may be much less important than I make it out to be?” “Do I need to be quiet or do art work, maybe listen to music?” “Should I be with my creator?”
I need to acknowledge that the last thing I need is a cigarette!
It's frequently repeated at NIC/A meetings that the urge for a cigarette will pass whether one smokes one or not. Our emotional upsets flow through us, we can watch them as they go and allow them to exit. We can notice that they do leave and remember it for the next time when we worry that an upset will last forever.
Instead of assuming that I will become consumed with anger or anxiety or fear, can I say to myself, “This is a temporary feeling. I will not attach myself to it. I will 'escort it out'—not hold onto it any more than is helpful—not identify with it more than I should.”
I believe that if I were to indulge in one puff, I would see myself again as a smoker and I would be 'off to the races.' We can race forever or we can consciously build a life based upon our experience, strengths and hopes.
We need to face reality, appreciate its beauty and be in awe of its wonder. We also need to be aware of the unseemly side of things without being controlled by it. We surrender what we will, but we keep our will free, strong and vibrant so that the surrender will mean something.
When we believe in ourselves, we gain integrity and others believe in us as well. I see myself as a fresh, original voice about cigarettes. I speak and am available to do groups on nicotine addiction and will help start up Nicotine Anonymous chapters.