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Last Wednesday, I went to Woodhull Hospital in Williamsburg to talk about nicotine. A meeting beforehand went this way and that, took too long, and drove me kind of nuts. By the time I went on, I raved about salvation from nicotine addiction, shouting at the top of my lungs for the better part of a half hour. I actually pounded on the table several times out of effusive anger. Such is my passion these days on the subject. I do believe that the firm readiness to quit—the knowledge that “it is finished”—is usually much more easily arrived at with the support that one finds at Nicotine Anonymous meetings. That final determination can cut off the urges for a cigarette. I myself never craved one from my “quit moment,” which was based upon that decision—that conviction. I know that I have to continue my attendance at NIC/A fellowships to keep getting the reinforcement I need for my current orientation toward my addiction.
Getting rid of cigarettes is something that happened for me over five years ago. I am still dealing with overwhelming emotion, the rush in the churning gut, and the out-of-control upset of any type.
We are used to people saying, “I’m upset, talk to me,” and it works. I see that we can be talked down off the ledge. Can I talk myself down?
I apply myself to the task by asking myself questions like the following:
“What just happened?”
“What upset me just now in the last hour, day, week?”
Is there an unresolved issue?”
"Did I just hear something that made me anxious or feel like something needs to be resolved?”
“Can I apply myself to the task of resolving any of this?”"
“Can I contact a loved one and exchange good conversation to talk me out of my harried state?”
“Can I take my mind and heart away from something that might be much less meaningful than my fears would lead me to speculate?”
“Do I need to be quiet?”
“Can I do art work?”
“Should I listen to music?”
“Should I be with my Creator?”
The last thing in the world I need is a cigarette!
It’s frequently repeated at NIC/A Meetings that the urge for a cigarette will pass whether one smokes or not. Is it also true of our emotional upsets that they flow through us and that we can watch them as they go or at least permit them to exit as surely as they come? We can notice that they do leave and remember for the next time that we are apt to worry that the upset will last forever.
Instead of assuming that I will become consumed with anger or anxiety or fear, I would rather say to myself, “This is a temporary feeling; I will not feel attached to it; I will escort it out and not hold on to it any more than is helpful; not identify with it more that I should.”
I believe that if I were to indulge in one puff of a cigarette, I would see myself again as a smoker, and I would be off to the races. We can race forever, or we can consciously build a life based upon our experience, strengths and hopes.
We want to face reality, appreciate its beauty, and be in awe of its wonder. We want to be aware of the unfortunate side of things as well, without being controlled by any of it. We surrender what we will, but we keep our will free, strong and vibrant, so that the surrender will mean something.
When we believe in ourselves, we gain in integrity and others believe in us as well.