My first psychiatric treatment experience still lingers fresh on my mind. Since my treatment with Dr. X my life is not the same. I was treated without any consideration of my emotional well-being and total lack of medical professionalism. Dr. X at a well known private psychiatric hospital disregarded me from the beginning of his treatment by putting down my experiences and judging my line of work (exotic dancer) by quoting, "if my wife would do such a thing….” and sounding furiously.
My instinct was to get out of the office but I never knew what to expect due to my lack of knowledge. I kept on with this doctor. On one occasion, he would ask me to pay him upfront and that my insurance would reimburse me. I stood up to that and told him no. Months followed and I found out that I was pregnant and I stopped taking my medication as advised by a substitute doctor at the hospital. During my pregnancy, I started to feel suicidal and called for over seven months to his answering machine and no one called me back. I had so much faith in him.
A month later after my son was born he called for an appointment. My pain and anger was expressed and he denied that he ever received messages. Months passed with average treatments. During one particular appointment he told me that I was getting fat in plain, straight forward language. He prescribed Remeron to lose the weight. The medicine made me sick and I threw it in the garbage.
He would also fall asleep while I was talking about my problems and even told me to shut up on another occasion. I came into the office and he asked me if I got dressed up for him. I told him that I dressed for myself and he started to touch my hair.
I started to consider having plastic surgery and asked him if there was an interaction between neurontin and the anesthesia. His response was, “I love breasts,” while licking his lips. I was startled by his immaturity.
During a session months later he suddenly held my hand and using my wedding ring, he signaled a sexual suggestion. I pushed my hand away and he moved to the chair next to me and began to unzip his pants. Then he moved against the wall of his office and repeated unzipping his pants and he flipped his penis. I froze in shock then I walked out. He tried to persuade me to go back to his office and I honestly felt very numb and in disbelief. Days later he would call my home and ask me why I didn't do it and then he tells me that I wouldn't be able to see a doctor in a very long time. I felt like I was talking to some sort of a sexual predator. I didn't listen to his intimidation and went to another psychiatrist and explained what happened.
Months later I saw him at a local mall. He did a sexual gesture to me. I got angry, went across the street and walked away. Again trying to figure out why he treated me badly, I left a message to meet and maybe to have some form of closure. He didn't show up for that particular day. Instead, he showed up at my club while I was working with a customer. Then he moves to the VIP area of the club expecting to get a lap dance from me. I walked away and went into the dressing room. He knocked on the door and the manager opened it just when I hurt myself on the stairs. The "good doctor" peeks in and walks away to the exit without a single word. Such a total jerk! I have been going to great lengths to try to reach him on his personal line, which I accept is wrong on my part, but I want an apology since he would hardly ever answer the phone and I wonder if he ever had empathy for anyone in his life.
I started going to college for nursing, but soon was burning the candle at both ends. In April, I tried to overdose on ativan because I was very sad. Sometimes, I vacillate between confusion, anger and some transferential emotion. I realize that I had the bad luck of meeting an abusive person and who I tolerated and protected until now. First of all, my exotic dancer work doesn't harm people. I 'm not a stereotype dancer bimbo. It's a job and this day with all the unemployment and layoffs it's better than nothing. I also have my small business and have attended several colleges. I had no right to be treated badly and if he reads this paper I think he should retire from psychiatry.
I tried to complain to his superiors, but they tell me that it was my fault. My anxiety has gotten worse about mental healthcare. I took a leave of absence from school due to my experience. Right now I need to take time to heal. I feel that I can’t trust the mental health system. It's time that mental health professionals take their actions into account and not under such comfortable diagnoses as BPD or" Psychotic Transference" to invalidate the patient’s experience. Also, this particular person should be supervised due to his impulse control issues. God bless you if you get proper care, but for those like myself the end result becomes long term pain and more emotional problems.