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Two of the most insidious forms of abuse are sexual harassment and sexual assault. They can precipitate an emotional collapse and scar a person for life. Sexual assault is a violent crime. The purpose of sexual assault is to destroy a victim, and this repugnant act of violence is committed in a sexual way so that a predator can enjoy himself as he destroys his prey.
Women and children are chosen as victims usually, because they are more vulnerable physically and emotionally. It is a crime of opportunity, and a predator chooses the most vulnerable victim he can find at the time—one who appears physically small and weak, one who is very young or very old, someone who is unprotected and unable to defend herself, an innocent unsuspecting of the danger at hand. However, most sexual assaults (80%) occur at the hands of those who are known to their victims.
Sexual harassment and assault leave a victim traumatized and fearful, degraded and humiliated, doubting in her goodness and righteousness. Her sense of well-being, her sense of self, her wholeness as a person are destroyed. Tragically, since this is a sexual crime, victims are seen by some as somehow culpable for their victimization. Was she asking for it? Was she too attractive to resist? Was she behaving in a provocative manner towards the predator? Some people (even women) feel that the victim got what she deserved if she was an attractive woman. Strange that we don’t blame a mugging victim if someone snatches her purse.
This fails to explain why elderly women and very small children are sometimes attacked sexually. Some particularly heinous predators are pedophiles—sexually attracted to children. However, how to explain that the disabled and the elderly are sometimes targeted for sexual abuse? Simply put—they are the most vulnerable and helpless to defend themselves in the face of aggression, and the most terrorized by it.
It is important to understand that this is a crime of violence and that assault victims do not consent to their abuse. Victims are seriously injured physically and emotionally by the crimes of predators.
Over the course of a year in a university library when I was a graduate student, I was harassed, mashed, groped, molested, and slandered one-by-one by a group of graduate students and professors. I fought during the assaults to preserve my honor. These predators collaborated to prey upon at least three young ladies, including myself, in our graduate school. I was slightly acquainted with half of the predators from my classes—the other half I had not met before.
Putting myself through two Master’s degrees, working very hard half-time while studying full-time, commuting several hours to and from campus, heading a household, and in a 10-year committed relationship, I did not have the leisure time to actually know anyone in the school. In my two years in the program, I had lunch with only two women graduate students and spoke briefly with only a few graduate students and faculty out of the 200 students and 25 faculty and staff in the school. Since no one knew me really, it was possible for my attackers to fill the void with their fabrications and lies.
The predators slandered my reputation after they harassed, mashed, propositioned, groped, and molested me, saying that it was I who had approached them asking for sexual favors. They lied to cover up their crimes and shifted blame and scrutiny onto their victim.
As a result of the violence and abuse from so many, during the next two years I became so afraid for my safety that I could not leave the apartment, and had an emotional and physical collapse. Anxiety caused me to become paranoid, and interfered with my sleep. Two years after the assaults, insomnia brought about racing thoughts for which I was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward. During the seven years following the attacks, I was hospitalized five times as a result of problems with meds. I have been convalescing for a decade and a half from the nervous breakdown precipitated by the sexual assaults and slander, and the serious mental illness which ensued. Disabled, I am still unable to return to work or study full-time.
I did not prosecute the perpetrators because I did not have health enough for a trial, lacked financial resources for counsel, did not want to hurt the university which I loved, and did not think I could defend myself against so many men. Yet, it seems that I have been on trial all these years—not those who should have been called to account for their crimes—the sexual predators.
Although I received therapy throughout my recovery, only one of my therapists—a man—ever broached the subject of my sexual trauma. The rest were either unable to handle the issues of sexual harassment and assault, or were concerned that I would be further traumatized discussing these matters in session.
Victims become whole and feel good about themselves again when they realize that they were not responsible for their victimization and are able to detach from the traumatic event and release it from their minds. We are responsible only for our actions—not for the actions of others. No one has the right to assault someone because that person is attractive or for any other reason. We must not do that which is hateful to us to others.
Sexual harassment and assault go to the core of a being and destroy that person. Trauma stays with a victim for years, even for life, re-victimizing the victim over and over again. It can seriously undermine mental as well as physical health. The stigma of sexual assault also re-victimizes, as she is blamed for her victimization, and may not find understanding even within the mental health community. We need to better understand and address the needs of victims of sexual harassment and assault because our daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and grandmothers, tragically, could be at risk.