Email | Print

'Tis the season to be jolly -- but for many, the holidays are a time of mixed emotions. Memories of loved ones lost, pressure to create special celebrations, loneliness -- added to these feelings are consumer cues that heighten holiday pressures. Stores display boxes of Christmas and Hanukkah cards for sale. Advertisements feature the latest holiday toys. People everywhere have begun their planning with friends and family as nations across the world wait to ring in the new millennium.

"The holidays bring up mixed emotions for me," says Geraldine Burton, Parent Advocate for the Mental Health Association of New York City's Bronx Parent Resource Center. "I celebrate because I'm with family and friends, but these festivities remind me of the losses I've endured. My mother is in a nursing home, so just meeting with family and friends reminds me that she can't be with us."

Rosalind [name changed to protect confidentiality], a mother of three, echoes Geraldine's sentiments. "Last year I felt so much pressure to buy the right toys for my kids," she says. "I just couldn't afford it. My husband and I started to argue about where we should spend the holidays. He has kids from a previous marriage, so he wanted to spend time with them too. Of course I understood, but it was the first Christmas since my mother passed away, and I needed support. All around me I got the message that I was supposed to feel happy, but I only felt more and more alone."

By mid-November Rosalind began to stop enjoying her life. She lost interest in holiday preparations and had trouble sleeping. "I just kept thinking about my mom's death, and I felt so hopeless and sad about the future."

Rosalind happened to drop her daughter off at school one morning when she noticed a workshop for parents on stress management. Feeling she had nowhere to turn, Rosalind joined the other parents in the auditorium. She was soon relieved to find others felt the same way she did.

"Thanksgiving and Christmas are my worst times," says Paulette Newton, Case Manager for the Coordinated Children's Services Initiative. "I'm dealing with happiness but also sadness because my baby sister died last Christmas. I have to put on a happy face for my kids, but that pain is inside." During the workshop, parents discussed how important it is to talk to someone for support and to do something different in the moment like taking a walk. They considered how to set clear goals and tap into their own sense of control amidst holiday pressures.

Free depression screenings were also offered. The screenings are self-administered and ask questions about specific characteristics of depression. Although Rosalind had felt unable to verbally share her feelings, she found it easy to check items on a scale to tell the presenter more about herself. For the item, "I feel downhearted, blue, and sad," Rosalind checked off the bubble that indicated she felt this way a "Good part of the time."

After completing the form, Rosalind met with the workshop presenter to go over her results. While the screening score is not a diagnosis, the score is used to indicate whether some symptoms might be clinically significant. Through her discussion with the presenter, Rosalind became aware that she might have some level of moderate depression. She became more aware of her options, including whether she wanted outside help.

Rosalind opted to go for therapy to get support and learn how to handle her problems. Through early intervention, Rosalind dealt with her depression before it got worse. She and her husband devised a plan for spending the holidays with members of their family this year, and she has gradually come to terms with the loss of her mother.

Almost a year has passed since Rosalind first began to feel depressed. She comments that she paid attention to her difficulties first, and got treatment second. Now Rosalind feels ready to truly ring in the new millennium.