One day I was even more uninspired than most mornings. Unfortunately, time was slipping into the "What the heck, I guess it's too late to bother going to my treatment program," period of midday. I didn't really have much to do, so I turned on my stereo at my supportive apartment in Southern Brooklyn. Like many people, music has a way of transplanting me to another world, a world of fantasies, a world of adrenaline rushes. That morning I was in for a real treat. A song came on that I really like, that I believe is titled "The Ballad of Bobby McGee," sung by Janis Joplin. It's a song with a gentle rhythmic guitar strumming that sounds delightful. It's the story of two free spirits in love, who hitchhike across the U.S. without a care in the world. They also seem to have nothing in this world to call their own. "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" -- or so the chorus of this ballad would have us believe.
"So what if I die? Is it painful?" This is what a consumer friend said about living. I guess my friend had nothing in his life to value if, when he said this, he didn't care if he lived or died. He unintentionally, yet perfectly summed up Ms. Joplin's attitude of freedom being nothing in life left to lose.
I had a therapist who was fond of quoting this song about how freedom is having nothing to really speak of in life and therefore having nothing that can be lost -- no job, no marriage, no kids, nothing to mourn if it gets taken away. It's kind of like taking a flight with merely a carry-on bag. No luggage to pick up after the flight or have get lost by an airline and get accidentally sent to Tibet where it must be tediously tracked down.
Speaking about airplane flights, I have a cousin who views them like this: "I just know we won't crash. I just know it!" I used to pity my cousin's reaction. How pitiful a way that is to live life. However, the truth of the situation is that the reason she says this is that she has so much in life to live for. Thus, she can't even face the fear of crashing. Me? I've been intrigued by my reaction. I take a flight every year or so back home to visit my mom and my family. My reaction to a potential tragedy is to play it out in my head. "So what if I die? Is it painful? If I lived to tell about it, it would certainly make life more interesting than it is now (I'm bi-polar and suffer from chronic boredom). I'd be one of those few who have experienced such a thing in life. It would make a Six Flags Great Adventure roller-coaster seem like a tea party. If I lived to tell about it, it would be one heck of a fifteen minutes of fame." Sadly, it seems that me and Ms. Joplin have some things in common. It seems I too have nothing to lose in life.
We all know people like the guy we were chummy with in high school who has made a "life" for himself, a relative, a friend of the family. They have plenty to fear losing. These people we know don't live a carefree life hitchhiking across the U.S. strumming on an acoustic guitar. However, as I get older, it's dawned on me that these people have plenty of things also, perhaps a home, a husband, a wife, kids, a real estate job to wake up to every morning perhaps, beliefs to uphold, all sorts of responsibility. For me, those things are still fantasy and I can only view them during adrenaline rushes when favorite songs come on.
So, if you see someone out there with nothing left to lose, perhaps on a street corner or in your group therapy session, wish them well. They need it. But if at certain times you wake up to an entry-level job you fear losing, are taking a course you fear you won't do well at, have a son you worry about, who, from time to time keeps you up at night or if you have personal beliefs to uphold, have a relationship with a family member you fear is in jeopardy, or have anything of value in this world to call your own, you've got plenty to lose. However, you have plenty also and that's very good. Congratulations! You're alive. Rejoice that you're like other humans out there and give your "possessions" -- human, animal, vegetable or mineral -- a metaphoric hug. Having nothing is not freedom. However, having "things" in life is indeed the beginning stages of freedom.
Janis Joplin, in the song "American Pie" by Don McLain, was called "the girl who sang the blues." The next time you see that commercial from Partnership for a Drug Free America showing all those celebrities who died from drug overdoses, amongst those pictures there will be Janis. Take a moment to notice Janis Joplin's expression. Study the loneliness on her face. Study her pain. Let's all not follow a philosophy from a singer who had nothing to lose. Please don't follow the advice of a woman who sadly died of an overdose and spent a good deal of her life in misery. And if it's midday and you attend a program, well, then go to your program anyway!