In April of 1996, I moved into Independent Living. This came after living in a 24 hour Supervised Residence for one year and spending five months in the hospital for depression. I gradually disconnected myself from receiving services from the Mental Health System. I transitioned from a Day Treatment Program to Peer Specialist training at the Howie the Harp Advocacy Center. I experienced a better quality of recovery from substance abuse because I came to terms with my depression that insidiously lured me into relapses. With a small amount of limited knowledge I discontinued Therapy and Psychiatric treatment. Once I acquired independent living, I proclaimed my freedom from the system.
I had paid the price of being responsible for participating in my recovery and mental stability. I did the things I did not want to do. I went to a Day Treatment Program. I met with a Therapist weekly and faced issues that I spent a lifetime running away from. I took medication daily and I attended Double Trouble meetings because I did not want to relapse, go back to the hospital or be homeless again. Because of my misconception about independent living I lost sight of the fact that a large part of improvement in the quality of my life and stability was due to the Mental Health Services I received.
With independent living, came an increase in responsibilities in my life. As the responsibilities in my life increased, I did not increase the support in my network. My support network was not broad enough to address issues that related to my psychiatric disability. This put my freedom in jeopardy. I experienced a change in the quality of my life that was not good. Fortunately, I was well grounded in my recovery from substance abuse or else everything that I worked so hard for would have collapsed.
I had to make a decision. I would either stubbornly hold on to my misconceived idea that independent living means to come up with solutions to all my challenges myself and I did not need help. Or I could accept the fact that one year of therapy, medication, some self knowledge and information about dual diagnosis was not enough to keep me stable and growing after many years of depression.
What was even more sobering was the reality that my responsibility to remaining mentally stable would be a lifetime commitment.
I talked to other consumers and they shared with me the quality of life and the stability they have been enjoying by maintaining Mental Health Services as part of their support network. Their feedback meant a lot to me. I trusted their information because the consumers had nothing to gain by sharing their experience with me. What my peers told me was that in order to remain stable and not experience the bondage of past experiences, such as homelessness and degradation, there was a price they had to pay for their freedom. That price is the responsibility and commitment to their stability and recovery.
Thanks to my peers I have a new viewpoint regarding independent living and self-sufficiency. To grow and develop we all need to rely on supports in society, whether we have a psychiatric disability or not. I now see self-sufficiency as my commitment to do for myself, what I can and accept the responsibility for asking for help when I need it. I am back in treatment and I feel that it is so vital to the quality of my life that I pay half of the cost for the services. I co-facilitate a support group for Peer Specialists who are coping with balancing the roles of being consumer/professionals. I feel empowered because I have taken an active part in my growth, development and stability.
I gratefully admit, I could not have done this by myself.