I am 38 years old and I am a MICA (Mentally Ill and Chemically Addicted) consumer. With the assistance of supports I have been clean and sober for four years and nine months. I have also not been hospitalized since 1997. I am diagnosed with Major Depression and I struggle with the challenge of my symptoms from time to time. Before I started my rehabilitation process my life was empty. I was lonely, lost and confused about my life. I did not want to end up in a psychiatric ward or in the streets homeless again.
I needed a lot of help and had to do some painful work on myself. Self help has empowered me to learn that I cannot recover by myself, however I have to make the effort to get better for myself. With the assistance of a Case Manager I was able to choose an Outpatient Day Treatment to address my MICA issues. I went to different types of recovering support groups. I worked with a psychiatrist that I could trust and this helped me to get the psychiatric help that I needed. I also worked with a therapist who helped me talk about my secrets and my inner thoughts I did not want to face. This process helped me to accept myself, open up and trust people with my feelings and emotions again.
Having a mental illness and a chemical addiction has been very challenging and difficult at times. When I was sad, depressed, angry, or felt rejected, in the past I would use a drink or drug to try to change the way that I felt. Many times it was hard to get out of bed or brush my teeth. I did not want to answer the telephone or the door. I always wanted to know why was this happening to me? What did I do wrong to deserve this? I can now look at those experiences as warning signs or triggers letting me know that I need to reach out for help and support.
The supports that I now use to help me to stay clean, sober and mentally stable are 12-Step support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Double Trouble in Recovery (a 12-Step support group for MICAs), taking medication, going to therapy and talking about my feelings. I am grateful to the members of the support group that I have attended because they loved me until I learned to love myself. Peer support and self help also gives me hope by allowing me the opportunity to see that treatment does work.
I remain at my Outpatient Day Treatment program. I have a part-time job that has helped me to continue to experience reaching goals in my recovery. I can hold my head up and say that I am somebody. I now go places and enjoy myself. New York City has a lot of supports to help MICA consumers who need it. If you are MICA you can get better if you are willing to make the effort.