I have suffered from major depression since I was a teenager. I also have borderline personality disorder, which also led to intense interpersonal relationships and impulsive, irresponsible decision-making and behavior.
It was not until 1983, after having overdosed on my antidepressant, that I finally received help by entering into a day-treatment program. Because of my borderline personality disorder, it took a good year of hard work by my therapist to get me to see I was my own worst enemy. I have also had to deal with periodic bouts of hearing voices necessitating taking an antipsychotic from time to time.
I am thankful that Cattaraugus County, New York, has the mental health services I've needed to help me recover from my mental illness. I have learned a lot about my illness and how to deal with the symptoms. I have learned to recognize when "borderline" tendencies are creeping in and to catch myself from falling back into maladaptive behaviors.
I have come a long way since 1983. I went to Jamestown Community College, Cattaraugus County campus and graduated with high honors with an Associate's degree in human services. I worked as a Peer Advocate for two different agencies for three and one half years, two years of which were full-time.
Currently, I am unable to work because of fibromyalgia, which causes widespread pain in the muscles, tendons and ligaments and fatigue. I was forced to quit my full-time job in 1997.
I attend the day treatment program part-time when physically able and have contact with my therapist when my illness keeps me home. Although I am not gainfully employed, I use my peer advocate skills to represent my peers on the Cattaraugus County Community Services Board and its Mental Health Subcommittee. I have also been on the Board of Directors for our local MHA (Mental Health Association) for the past seven years and was on the Board of Directors for a peer-run housing agency for two years.
Being involved in the decision-making process and being able to help affect the services consumers receive is an important part of my recovery because it forces me to look beyond myself and my own circumstances. It gives me purpose to keep going and to not give up when the going gets rough. I have learned to see my mental illness as being one part of who I am, but it does not define my total person. I chose to use my experiences with mental illness to help others deal with their mental illness and help others understand what mental illness is all about.
Sometimes it's hard to have a chronic mental illness and physical illness to deal with and to maintain an upbeat attitude. I try to look at my disabilities as being character-building. I think they have made me a more compassionate person and somehow a better person than I might have otherwise been.