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I am a recipient of services with a disease known as Bipolar, with Manic Depressive Disorder. In one of my episodes, my children were taken away from me. I knew where they were, but I wasn't in a position to be with them. For the first time in their little lives, my babies were away from their mother, and away from the safety and warmth of their own home.

One day ACS, my doctor and the NYPD came and took my kids away, telling me it was for my benefit. That day they also took me to Bronx Lebanon Hospital. I believed it was either my mother or the doctor who called ACS. That day was the most difficult and unnerving day of my life. I cannot recall everything about that day, only hearing the doctor and the social worker saying it was for my own good, and looking into my children eyes.

Parents and my peers, I am sure you can relate, sympathize and even understand the situation. As a mother, there can be no reason in the world to justify the cause when it comes to your children. I did not realize at the time that me not taking my medication would later influence the lives of so many people that I love. While I was at the hospital I took a good look at myself and the consequences of my actions, and asked myself if it were worth losing my kids. I also asked myself other questions like what can hope do for my children when they become victims of circumstance? How does hope work when the circumstance becomes a choice between you and your children? How can one be so sure of what is good for us, when you know that as a mom that our children depend on us?

You cannot imagine the feeling of loss I experienced that day when the Mobil Crisis Unit came to evaluate me so they could take my children away from me. That was when I really gave up on everything. I gave up on life. I didn't want to live anymore. Breathing was a burden to me. I was so lost, and I didn't give a damn. I was willing to self-destruct. I thought there was no hope for me, I thought God had forsaken me. For my innocent children, maybe God would see it in his heart to keep them safe with people with warm loving hearts, instead of someone like me with lost hopes and no control over my own life. My mental illness had a good grip on my life. It made me doubt myself and others. I went through a period where I would beg God, please release me from this burden called life. I craved for the end like I craved drugs to stop myself from thinking and feeling, I just wanted to have peace, to let go of all my pain and suffering. I wanted to be free.

I had no recollection of the first eighteen months at Bronx Lebanon Hospital, until one fateful morning in mid-January, something happened to me. It is hard to pinpoint exactly what it was. I felt renewed, rejuvenating, that I had a reason for living, for hoping once more. I wanted them back as much as they wanted me home. I was determined not to disappoint them and myself again.

Webster's New World Dictionary describes hope as a feeling that what is wanted will happen, desire accompanied by expectation, a person or thing on which one may base some hope. My children were responsible for me hoping. Gina, Angie and Perry made the person I am today, they gave me the courage to fight and persevere, they were and still are my strength. I now have my children in my life again.

Don't lose hope, and give up on a bright and loving future with your children, family and friends. At times life may put obstacles in your path that you think there is no way you can jump over the hurdle. If you believe in yourself and in the people who love you, with time you can overcome all obstacles and live a bright and fruitful life. Hope is forever, it is something you can hang on to, and time is only the moment, it will pass.

I have accepted that I have a chemical imbalance, and that it needs to be medicated in order for me to have a productive life. I have also accepted life on life's terms, which was not easy because I have a stubborn mind, and now I pray for us all who are struggling for peace of mind and a fruitful future. I pray that diversity does not make you loose hope but give you more strength to fight even harder. Please, my peers, know that there are people out here who are willing to listen and get help.