I was born in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, New York on March 6, 1958. Mom and Dad were great, fair, and helpful parents. Mom is retired now and Dad has died. They both worked, Dad a postal worker and Mom a secretary. Like father like son, I presently work for the federal government, for The Department of Veterans Affairs. I have a brother and sister-in-law who reside in Texas. I would describe myself as handsome and friendly. I need to tell you at this point in my autobiography that I am gay. I had a romantic relationship for almost nine years. It was great and I still have a close friendship with Steve. I was great in school and was proud to attend The High School for Performing Arts. Life was somewhat smooth and sailing along, until my senior year in high school at age seventeen. I was hospitalized for mental illness. Too many doctors have asked over the years, wanted me to try to explain what I felt what led up to my getting ill. Of course I had an idea, but not the whole picture. I'm 43 now and let me share with you some of my experiences.
One of the experiences that I would like to share was in 1975. Before my last or senior year in Performing Arts I apprenticed in a professional summer stock musical theater. Working in the theater was what I enjoyed. I performed in musical shows such as "Sweet Charity" and "Jesus Christ Superstar." I lived away from home and my family always came to see me perform. I came home after the summer and could not adjust again to living at home, being with friends, or going back to Performing Arts for the last year during a pressured senior year time. I also visited some or tried to see some of the actors from the theater.
I missed the good times and my friends. I did go back to school for a while and do my studies. I also went out at night with friends to drink and I began to experiment with smoking marijuana. Life at this time was becoming rough or I just could not handle things that I used to handle so well before. I did one crazy thing one time and brought my stereo to school thinking I would play DJ music. I stayed up late at night not sleeping very much and disturbed my parents. I was loud and argumentative, which led to the police being called. I was getting angry at everything. Shortly thereafter I was hospitalized for my first time. The Doctors labeled me with hysterical personality. I tried to live at home after the hospital, but after some more time the social worker placed me in an adult psychiatric residence. The above experience describes the onset of my mental illness.
I don't wish to bore you with names of every medication they tried. Other more positive experiences are easier for me to type. Life got better in the adult residence living away from my parents and with a day program. I went to a semester of CUNY. I even did a musical show. Mental breaks did not ruin my singing voice. Making friends was an easy task for me. I had studied acting and comedy. Experiences after that were positive and negative. What would you think that I meant by that? Well, it seemed like thousands of school starts and job tries, and psychiatric day programs. Of course, I did not want to stop trying. There were other hospitalizations. I was in my early twenties and I don't think the doctors in the ER used to trust me to go home. I was sadly hospitalized fifteen times. They soon changed my diagnosis to bipolar illness. I took lithium carbonate. Experiences at another psychiatric residence from Manhattan Psychiatric Center was offered to me. I liked my own room living in New York City. I went to Post Graduate Center For Mental Health in Manhattan. I attended Hunter College. I lived in the Upper Westside section where the staff was friendly and helped with everything.
At twenty-six I started to work and became financially independent. Getting off SSI, although I had experimented with working, was not easy. It was frustrating and scary. I even worked for a while in the evening hours for a New York City bank and my psychiatrist said that for my personality and mood this was advisable. At the bank there was very little supervision in the evening, something I liked. I started at the bank with their training and my bank job was interesting and great. I then took other job interviews.
I can't even describe here the anxious feelings that I use to have going for those interviews. I worked later at Children's Television Workshop as a librarian assistant. The really nice offices made me feel so good about myself. I went to therapy in the evening. Being mentally ill and solving the problem of meeting people in relationships, especially for romantic interests, was a topic of discussion in my therapy. As I said in my introduction, I did have friends. Bob, who I met at FDR high school at my adult theater club, was my closest friend. Bob worked in the Air Force and had great ways for helping me. One day Bob, his friend George and I went to the theater. I was tired after my job but Bob said his friend from Philadelphia was coming to the theater and I would be introduced. I met Steve at the show and it was funny we did not sit next to each other. We had ice cream after the show and Steve and I talked. We liked each other and I guess our relationship started from this.
I have experienced so many things. I can only conclude with experience of family and friendships, Mom and Dad were instrumental. At the first residence I lived, Mom, Dad and I went to a lot of meetings with my social worker. There were no more arguments or at least a reduced amount. My mother presently is like a mentor to me. We e-mail and telephone each other. Too bad she is in Florida. My federal job salary is not as high as I like. Airfare only comes once in a while. Presently, I have fifteen or so friends. Some of my friends have issues, take medications and go to therapy. I have some friends who were never mentally ill. I'm very grateful for my newest pal of about five weeks, the Editor-in-Chief from New York City Voices, Danny Frey. Danny and I met at a support group. My mood is getting much better now at age 43, although life can still throw me curve balls.
I'm getting better at doing life!