I really don't want to walk over to my best friend Sam's house today. On the other hand he'll be really upset if I don't show up. I spent that Saturday afternoon at my cousin's house fretting about what Sam's reaction would be the next Monday at school if I didn't show up at his house.
"Howard, weren't you supposed to come over?" Sam asked me that Monday at recess.
"Uh, I guess so."
"Yeah, I invited you. Is it a big deal that you didn't show up? Of course not, Howard, it is no big deal that you did not come over. Why do you make such a big deal over every little thing? Oh, well, that's just the way you are, I guess. Come on, let's play four square!"
That incident occurred on a Saturday twenty-three years ago. But I still behave in the same worrisome manner today. First, I worry about something major. Then when the major issue is resolved, my mind immediately finds something else to worry about. It may be a big deal or it may be something trivial. If it is something trivial my mind blows it way out of proportion and makes it seem like a big deal. Because it is now blown out of proportion, that triviality can take the place of the very major issue that was just resolved.
Going or not going to my friend Sam's house that Saturday afternoon was in reality a trivial matter. That Monday of course, Sam was not the least bit angry at me. However, I blew this trivial matter out of proportion to take the place of a now resolved major issue. What was a major issue? Twenty-three years ago I was thirteen and I was worried how I would perform at my Bar Mitzvah in front of hundreds of people who were in the synagogue listening to my every utterance.
A former therapist of mine and I concluded that I have a metaphorical "box" in my head. It is either filled with a major anguish or worry (how I would perform on my Bar Mitzvah day) or a triviality. If the current issue on my mind is a triviality (should I go over Sam's House?) I blow it out of proportion into a major issue (Oh no! What will Sam say to me next Monday at school?!)
The therapist that I'm seeing now calls this an obsession du jour. "Howard, sometimes you have a genuine serious concern to think about. However, when you don't, on any given day you 'create' a major issue -- no matter how unimportant in reality that issue is. It becomes a major worry to take the place of the previous thing you were anguishing about that is now resolved."
What does one do about this phenomenon if one suffers from it (and I bet there are a few of you reading this who do) to have peace of mind and stop making "mountains out of molehills" to replace previous mountains that are now resolved issues? First of all, stay busy with constructive activities. Also when you blow a triviality out of proportion and make the triviality into a major worry, identify it as just that—a minor triviality that should not concern you; no big deal.
If anyone out there has any better ideas to keep this "box" in our heads free from worry or pain, please write an article to New York City Voices and explain it to all of us. I could sure use the help. You see, thankfully, I have no major concerns in my life right now, but my suit needs pressing and I am afraid I'll get a small fine for not recycling properly.