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Its been after thirty seven years of having one diagnosis after another and many hospitalizations that I have come to the realization that there's life after being diagnosed with a mental illness. When I went to my first psychologist at seven years old my mom was happy that I was seeing a therapist, but my dad was a different story. He couldn't accept the fact that there was the possibility that something was wrong with another one of his children! My brother is mentally retarded and has been since birth, so the fact that I had a problem too made it harder for him to accept. I went on with my life having tremendous problems to the point where I dropped out of school at fifteen, much to the dismay of the Board of Education, who sent a tutor to my house. That tutor was dismissed by my parents after he tried to attack me in my own home. For many years I believed this was my own fault and took it out on myself by drinking and smoking three packs of cigarettes a day.

The first real diagnosis came in 1991 when I was diagnosed with severe depression and anorexia. Soon after this diagnosis it was a progression of one diagnosis after another. Since 1992 I have been associated with the Federation Employment Guidance Service (FEGS), which has helped me with my mental health, and with my housing, when I was about to be homeless. After my mother died in February of 1997 it was a great relief to me when FEGS took over the apartment in June 1997 because that meant I had to pay only thirty percent of the rent for a lease that had my name on it. I also worked as a consumer advocate with Club Access, which is now called Access ETC.

My self-esteem has gone up tremendously. I now know what it is like to finally be successful in a job that I love. Being able to help other consumers who are in the shoes I once walked in gives me hope that maybe they won't have as rough a time of it as I did. It has been almost five years since my last hospitalization. It has been a long and hard road for me, but now that I'm on the road for recovery I feel I can be a role model for other consumers traveling the road that I was on only a few years ago. It is not easy, it can sometimes be very overwhelming and scary and hard to overcome. It took me many years to get the support I needed and to trust myself enough to go out and empower myself by getting a volunteer job.

I made the right move by going to Howie The Harp Peer Specialist Center. In 1996, I had graduated from Howie The Harp and obtained an internship at Community Access. I now know that was the turning point of my life. I will always be grateful to all of those who had faith in me to become a good advocate. Today I work full time for the Baltic Street Mental Board in their self-help program in Manhattan. Being a peer advocate has helped me to go into facilities such as Access ETC and FEGS and pitch what our program is all about, how it can enrich their program and enrich the lives of their consumers.

Peers are now running mutual support groups such as stress management, money management and job readiness. Our program helps train consumers to be facilitators of these groups. My hope is that consumers attending these groups will be able to get the peer support they need to be able to empower themselves, and to prepare themselves for more independent lives. Being in recovery from a mental illness can be very empowering and rewarding. You can get to the goal that you have for yourself. Peer support has been a very helpful tool for me in my recovery and I am so grateful.