First Break: Three Years Later
(Column: First Break)
Daniel S. Frey, Editor in Chief
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At 26-years-old I am in my fourth year free of voices and delusions thanks to my atypical antipsychotic medication, which I take every night. I seldom forget to take it and if I do I tell myself that it is okay, I will not forget next time. My doctor tells me it is not a good idea to double my second dose if I forget to take my first. He says people are human and human beings make mistakes. But two weeks of not taking the medication would have severe consequences as when I refused to take my medicine for two weeks during the summer of 1998 and relapsed. There was a lesson there that I will never forget: take my medication or be sick! I did not learn that lesson on my own. I got help from somebody who became a big part of my life.

Once I became symptom free, I asked myself: "Now what do I do with my life?" After my first psychotic episode I did not think I had a future. I thought the mental health system would take control of my life and segregate me from the rest of the world and treat me like a child who can never be independent.

My life took a new twist when my father saw a television program featuring Ken Steele, an individual with schizophrenia. This man had my illness, and had made his life a success. He had started a mental health Voter Empowerment Project, which was responsible for registering thousands of mental health consumers in New York City to vote, giving us a political voice. He also had started a mental health newspaper, the one you are now reading, to spread the message of hope and empowerment. My father saw him on a television program called "Four Stories," which featured stories about everyday people who were doing wonderful things. My father simply called him and asked him to help me.

Since we had the same diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia Ken sympathized with the stigma I felt. I was symptom free, which meant I could now participate in activities and do something useful with my life. But I did not know that. He became my mentor and taught me that I was capable of many things so he showed how to run his newspaper. He convinced me to share my personal story with his readers. Before, I would never have realized how powerful a medicine it is to share my thoughts with people who might benefit from them. After reading my story, family members with ill relatives contacted me. They were inspired and wished me luck.

Whenever someone wishes me luck, I think: "Is it the luck that should help me to cope with my life?" Luck might help, but it was my mentor's intervention that really saved me. He introduced me to a treatment team of a psychiatrist to prescribe medications and a therapist to listen to my life's story as it unfolded. For my recovery he provided a job that I enjoyed and a support group of my peers.

It was difficult to find a support group designed for people who are doing well on medication and in transition from the mental health community back to the mainstream community. That was why Ken Steele created Awakenings groups for people who have become awake to reality thanks to medication and treatment. I enjoyed forming friendships with Awakenings members and sharing my feelings with my peers. When my mentor became too busy, he had me run the group. I now co-facilitate the Manhattan Awakenings support group with consumer Rick Sostchen.

After Ken died in October 2000, I was left with important decisions to make. I needed to start a new life of my own. I moved out of my father's house to live by myself. I thought the newspaper would die if no one ran it, leaving thousands without important information and a source of hope for recovery. I said I would run it despite my self doubt. It has been over a year and six issues later since I became editor-in-chief. Now I work with an editorial board of professionals, consumers, and consumer professionals who decide what articles fit our newspaper. I continue to be an advocate for mental health consumers with a lot yet to learn in order to serve them better.

It has been three years since my last hospitalization. Since then, I have participated in many video programs and taught many students and professionals about how schizophrenia impacts an ordinary person's life.

The extremes of schizophrenia get the most publicity like the genius John Nash on the one hand and the subway killer Gary Goldstein on the other. Everyday people like me get overlooked even though we compose the vast majority of schizophrenics. The mental health consumer movement is the last great civil rights movement in this country. Mental illness does not discriminate based on race or ethnicity so why should we suffer the discrimination of others? I am engrossed in the mental health movement, spreading the message that treatment works. Now, with the new breakthroughs in medication and treatment, mental illness can be only a small interruption in one's life. Nowadays, despite my dreaded disease, I can have a bright future.
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