My Boyfriend is Making Me Ill
Rosemary Thomas
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What do you do when you're faced with differences in a relationship? Well, this is my story of a complicated relationship, which I'm involved in with my boyfriend.

The difference between us is he lives a normal productive lifestyle, the important factor being that he doesn't have nor ever suffered mental illness. The story with me is I have undifferentiated schizophrenia, although I'm in a remission status at this point.

My relationship was and still is very unhealthy. It is threatening me with decompensation, which I've already experienced in the past. I'm unsociable because he feels embarrassed to be seen with someone who is different personality-wise. My social life is at a complete standstill: I don't go to the movies or out to dinner because my boyfriend feels embarrassed to be seen in public with me. He's responsible for stereotyping and shows no compassion. For me, I wasn't in touch with the reality of the situation and how seriously the relationship could be destructive for me.

I've already experienced a lot of depression and anxiety over this, besides physically deteriorating. He has classified me as "crazy" and not competitive with his level of functioning. I was only used as a sexual need for him.

In other words, I have mental illness and I should only associate with individuals who have mental illness. I felt that I was conquering a new phase of life when I was having a relationship with a normal healthy person. Besides this, I've managed to maintain my stability and comply with my medications and everyday issues.

I spent a week in the hospital around four years ago for medical reasons. My boyfriend never visited me. He did come to visit me when I was in the psychiatric hospital, but he felt uncomfortable because of the environment and individuals within.

In a different and complex relationship, there is a difference of personality and a difference of thoughts and opinions. My boyfriend is college educated; I didn't even obtain a high school diploma. So my mental illness doesn't compete with his intelligence.

Does mental illness have to remain on it's own in terms of perspectives, issues, and lifestyles or should mental illness be allowed to combine with normal lifestyles and normal individuals? I feel, regardless of the situation, people having mental illness should be respected for their abilities, their strengths, and most of all for their extraordinary minds, which are beautiful inside and out. They should be able to blend in and socialize with the normal lifestyles of humanity.

As far as being in a personal relationship, it should be thought out thoroughly because it can destroy emotions and thoughts, and as a mental health consumer the outcome can be extremely deteriorating. You could develop depression and lots of anxiety, until complete decompensation develops. I know this because I'm experiencing the hurt and pain from my choice to remain in a relationship that is devastating to my stability.
Rosemary Thomas, 40 years old, has been living independently for six years, enjoys writing and listening to music, owns five cats, and is the mother of a thirteen-year-old son.
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