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As I once again gazed upon the formidable, almost timeless building located on the perimeter of the hospital complex, I found myself filled with the contradictory emotions of elation and dread. On the one hand, I was elated because I no longer was an occupant of this homeless shelter. On the other hand, I felt dread because the memories of living there were so devastating. But I was glad that I'd returned to this place, the 30th Street Bellevue Men's Shelter, for the October 2, 2002 march and rally for New York/New York III Housing.

I, along with numerous other consumers of mental health services as well as various mental health provider agencies, joined together at this site to peacefully and publicly demand that our law makers and elected officials recognize not only our plea, but the plight of so many of our fellow peers.

Looking back upon the twisted journey of my life, I am aware of how my history of homelessness was probably one of the main reasons that I'd languished so long outside of mainstream society. I remember being shuttled from facility to facility with little access to effective services. The daily instability and uncertainty of matters such as if I was going to eat or where I was going to sleep contributed to my deteriorating psychiatric condition. Unable to form healthy relationships or achieve healthy pursuits, many of us homeless at times feel a little less than human.

We gathered outside of the Bellevue shelter and as we marched through Manhattan, I considered the people passing in their mobile cocoons of comfort and luxury, who gazed at us with expressions of curiosity, wonder, and sometimes sympathy. I wondered if these citizens could even imagine what it was like to have nowhere to call your own, the only place to store your belongings a flimsy 3' x 5' locker, being told when and where to sleep, and standing in a long, sometimes fragrant line for an insufficient meal of questionable edibility. Most of the real world has no knowledge of the subculture of homeless people. The violence and degradation of the overpopulated circles of hell, which were the labyrinthine shelters of the 80's, are no longer readily apparent, but those conditions and experiences are still being perpetuated, although on a smaller and less obvious scale.

Recovery from mental illness is a difficult undertaking, especially since it requires people to act contrary to what may seem natural when they are sick. Isolating and being suspicious of people who are trying to help may seem natural to someone who is sick, but it is an obstacle to recovery, which requires honesty and trusting relationships. A mentally ill person has more than enough issues to contend with, matters which are unknown to the majority of the populace. In fact, many mentally ill persons are not even aware of their own individual issues until embarking upon the road to recovery. If we, as a society, have the knowledge and means to remove homelessness as an issue and obstacle to recovery, then we have a moral obligation to do so.

To deny fellow human beings the most basic right of a place in which to exist is noted as an unconscionable abomination in many places. We, as an enlightened population that stood tall in the face of local tragedy, should not consider providing homes for our unfortunates any differently.