For more than 20 years, I have had the diagnosis of schizophrenia. I lived with it, learned to accept it, and ended up in remission.
So now it's 2003, the New Year with new challenges, new goals, new perspectives on life. Unfortunately, I went through a very horrible experience. I went through a manic episode for the first time in my life. I had no idea what was happening. It was a frightening, abnormal experience. I was in a self-destructive stage of my stable mental status. I knew something had to be corrected.
I started feeling invincible, as if I could handle anything. I believed I couldn't be touched-very strong, very hyper, talking non-stop, never tired. My thoughts were racing a mile a minute. My judgement was careless. All of these symptoms were horrifying. I thought I was becoming insanely mad (a crazed lunatic).
I realized I was experiencing a manic episode. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a combination of bipolar and schizophrenia. This was a big turnaround in my mental status. So now I have to face a new medication change.
I also had to deal with the stress and frustration of the holiday season. My birthday happens to be on New Years Day. I was 41 and didn't expect my status to change. Luckily I had to focus on this change of diagnosis. I want to learn more about it. I feel this might turn people away from me. How will I cope with this change in my life?
Otherwise, I am blessed to see another year. I am still going to struggle and maintain a stable mental status for 2003 and beyond. I will remain positive and motivated. A blow like this won't cause me to stumble. I will just pick up and move forward. A New Year, a new diagnosis, a new challenge to pursue. There is hope, and always keep that positive pursuit.