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Life is about living, showing up and experiencing all that she has to offer. My anxieties have made living a daily struggle for me.

I have only lived when I have been alone and I've always been as good as dead in the presence of just about anyone. When alone, I can breathe, I move gracefully, and I am fearless. Around others, I instantly clam up, take shorter breaths, and become clumsy and afraid. I lose myself. My setback is that I care too much about what others think about me.

When I am around people, I suddenly become aware of all my shortcomings. Just knowing that I can be judged makes me critical of myself and I start to feel a sense of inferiority. I feel inadequate and vulnerable. I have an overwhelming sense that I am being watched under microscopic lenses. All my flaws become so clear to me in these moments.

In order to get through these uncomfortable situations, I tend to keep as quiet and out of sight as possible in order to avoid the embarrassment of looking and sounding stupid.

"Shy" is a label I have lived with all my life. It is how others describe me when they notice how reserved and soft-spoken I am. But they cannot see the debilitating anxiety within. Just because someone is shy doesn't necessarily mean they suffer from social anxiety. It depends on the person.

I have these inner discussions, mentally rehearsing what I am about to express, but then I withdraw on the spot or I spend too much time getting ready to say something that when I'm about to speak, the moment has passed. I yearn to verbalize my thoughts without fear.

In high school, I kept the same close friends from elementary school. All of my friends found me. I have never made friends on my own. If it were all left to me, I would probably be friendless.

From age 13, I started to write poems and short stories along with my journal entries. English and language arts were my favorite classes and loved to do essay assignments. After a few teachers told me I was a good writer, I knew I had found my niche. Prior to that discovery, I had dreamt of being an actress, but unlike acting, writing meant no anxieties. In high school I dreamt of becoming a screenwriter.

By the time I entered college my passion gravitated toward mass communications and journalism from a desire to own a publication that will motivate, educate and entertain the public.

In 1996, around my second semester in college, I was flipping through a local newspaper and came across an ad that I will never forget. In bold letters it asked: "Are you shy?" Instead, it should have read, "Are you anxious?" It went on to describe the very symptoms I had struggled with all my life: exaggerated and worrisome thoughts, anticipation of the worst, muscle tension, abdominal distress, heart palpitations and a few others. I was astounded that someone knew exactly what I was going through. I had found hope that anxiety was treatable.

I am currently receiving cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which I have read is the best treatment for social anxiety, usually coupled with medication. This form of therapy targets your thoughts where the anxiety develops and intensifies. Not only that, but CBT also helps to change the actual behaviors that are a direct result of the thoughts.

The thoughts create the behavior, which intensify the thoughts. It is a vicious cycle that I hope to break.

I once read that "a powerful person has the courage to be a fool." I am not a perfect human so I should accept that I have faults and not avoid society because of them. My silence speaks a thousand words. If translated, they would speak my heart. They would appreciate the lessons I've learned about self-defeat and self-limitation. They would speak my mind. For now I do this in my writing.