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Back in 1998 I'd have been the last person on the planet who would ever want to speak publicly to groups of people on mental health issues, let alone talk about my own battle with mental illness to a complete bunch of strangers. From my very first bout of depression in 1979 until 1998, the only people who knew about my mental health history were my immediate family, my psychiatrist, my therapist and the few people at my job who had to know.

After my over one-year-long depression in 1998-1999, however, my attitude changed completely. I became very pro-active in the mental health community. I joined and then facilitated support groups and attended advocacy meetings. A few months later, three of my closest friends: Dan Frey of New York City Voices, Susan Saler of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill and Marvin Spieler of the Mental Health Association's Consumer Speakers' Bureau all asked if I would be interested in speaking to groups about my experiences with mental illness.

I was very hesitant at first. Speaking to groups ranging from 20 to over 100 people for 30 minutes or more at a time is a lot different from leading a support group of 10 or so individuals. Would I freeze up? Would I have enough to say to fill up 30 minutes or more? Do people really want to hear what I have to say?

Although I had these reservations, I decided to go for it. I agreed to speak at a continuing day treatment program in front of approximately 60 consumers. I decided to ease into it at first, being the 3rd of three speakers given a 15-minute time period.

After observing the first two speakers and the ease in which they seemed to be conducting themselves, as well as the joy, enthusiasm and hope they evoked in their speeches, I was (surprisingly) totally relaxed, motivated and excited to give my speech. Even the fact that I had dental surgery the day before and was forced to speak with a huge wad of gauze in my mouth could not stop me from my speech, or the question-and-answer period immediately afterwards.

The most enriching and fulfilling part for me came later when some of the audience members came up to us. Many people thanked us, some saying that this was the first time fellow consumers had spoken to them and that it meant so much more to them than when a guest doctor or social worker would give a speech. Two people thanked me for my honesty when I described my life as an ongoing struggle even though things had gotten better. They also said that my speech had given them a renewed hope in their battle with mental illness. Would it give you a great feeling to hear that from someone who was a complete stranger just an hour earlier? Obviously, I was now hooked on public speaking.

In the last five years, I've given close to 100 speeches. I've spoken to groups of consumers, family members (I have four relatives with mental illness), mental health professionals and future mental health professionals. My topics have ranged from my recovery to care-giving to early diagnosis of mental illness and improving relations between psychiatric ward patients and staff.

To sum it up, I speak to help others in their battle with mental illness, but I also speak to help me in my battle with mental illness.