If you follow your heart, your dreams will come true. Who knew that with a career on my mind and musical theater on my lips I would end up where I am now. In the past two years the direction of my life has drastically changed for the better.
In July 2003 I attended Awakenings, a peer-run support group for people with mental illness living in the community, and I met James. I didn't know then that he would be my husband, but that is exactly what happened. I also didn't know that he would be the father of my child. Yes, I am just about seven months pregnant and totally loving being a big mom-to-be. James and I moved in together and now live just off the river and, yes, the dog loves it too.
We're living a fairytale life, but that isn't the best part. The best part is the recent news I received from my psychiatrist. He was very puzzled that I had no symptoms and received a monthly injection of only 50 mg of the antipsychotic Haldol. He thought maybe I was misdiagnosed because it's very rare that people with schizophrenia on a low dose of medication remain symptom-free for many years. So the doctor's verdict is that I am far into my recovery.
I feel one hundred percent ready to be a mom and wife. I now feel as if I've been unchained. My imagination has been running wild since the news from my psychiatrist. I'm starting to feel like a cloud has been lifted and that I have a handle on things.
When I went to my ob-gyn, I had a conversation with a social worker there who wanted to talk to my psychiatrist about whether I could handle the stress of a newborn. She scared me and told me that they just wanted to avoid a delay in my discharge. This infuriated my psychiatrist and he said that in his entire career, he has never heard of such a thing. He's had hundreds of patients that have been pregnant and never heard of such complications.
It's been a six-year journey. Now it's time for a new chapter. I'm turning the pages one at a time.
Studies show that Haldol is perfectly safe for pregnant women although I am discouraged from breast-feeding the baby. Out of one hundred women on Haldol surveyed, they all showed zero birth defects. That's good news.
My friend and chief editor of City Voices Daniel Frey asked me if I am going to tell my daughter about her parents' mental illnesses when she is old enough. Well, she will have to know because she will see us going to the doctor for check-ups and she will want to know why. I don't see the point in keeping it a secret. I am sure she will love us anyway. She will be educated about the whole situation. I can't see keeping this from her, especially as it has a happy ending.