People Say I'm Crazy: the Interview
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Ten years ago, after his first psychotic break, artist John Cadigan started filming himself because he wanted the world to know what it is like to live with labels such as "psychotic," "schizophrenic" and "severely disabled." He filmed everything from being catatonic to when he had ECT (electro-convulsive therapy) and called the film People Say I'm Crazy. Daniel Frey interviews John Cadigan after his film's New York City premiere.
Voices: Why is your documentary called "People Say I'm Crazy?"

John Cadigan: Well, we had a lot of debates about what to name the film. The first title was called "Mind Over Madness." Then we came up with this other title—"People Say I'm Crazy"—because we thought it was a more accessible title for people.

Voices: Why is it more accessible?

JC: We just thought it would be…I don't know. I don't have an answer to that question.

Voices: What is your long-term goal with the documentary? For example, do you expect to make lots of money?

JC: I think the major goal is to, through my personal story, have the general public learn more about what it's like to live with mental illness and also to fight stigma, stereotyping and misinformation about mental illness.

Voices: I'm glad that you brought up stigma because that leads to my next question. With schizophrenia, there's the stigma that people with schizophrenia are violent and dangerous. In your film you struggle with violent thoughts against others. In one instance, you talk about how you imagined stabbing your mother with a knife. How do you think people will react to that? Will that reinforce the stigma?

JC: Well, there's a huge difference between saying something and acting on something.

Voices: Your film will be shown on HBO to a national audience comprised of people who don't know much about mental illness. Do you think your film might reinforce the stigmatizing views most of these people already have about mental illness? That they might say after watching your film, "Oh, yeah, it's what I've always known—people with schizophrenia are violent."

JC: Yeah, we really had a lot of soul-searching about whether to put in the violent thoughts or not—the content of the violent thoughts. But in the end we had to be true to my story. And just because I had a thought doesn't mean I'm going to act on it. I'm hoping that people will sort of recognize that I'm a gentle, caring person who is tortured by these thoughts and it doesn't really mean that I'm going to act on it. I hear what you're saying and we had a huge debate on whether to put my violent thoughts in the film.

Voices: Why do you want to publicize your illness to the world?

JC: Well, I think it's the same answer that I told you before: to fight stigma, stereotyping and misinformation about mental illness.

Voices: Okay, fair enough. How are you dealing with the stress of becoming more publicly known? Has your life changed?

JC: My life has not changed a whole lot. I mean, the film has been received really warmly and we've gotten a lot of really great reactions. We've had standing ovations and people wanting to hug me after it. But we're showing it to just a few people. I'm not famous or anything.

Voices: But yet it will be on HBO, which will receive a massive audience.

JC: It's actually going to be on Cinemax. My life hasn't really changed at all really.

Voices: So, do you believe that you will become more publicly known and be in demand to give more speeches and public appearances?

JC: Yeah. Actually, we've just been receiving some requests for me to come and talk all over the country and at mental health conferences.

Voices: How do you feel about being a role model for other people with schizophrenia?

JC: Well, I haven't really thought about it. From the response that I've been getting from screening the films, what I've been amazed about is how many people have my symptoms, especially the paranoia. I do see myself as a role model because a lot of people have said to me, "What you said was in my brain and I've been afraid to say [it] out loud." Because of my incredible openness and willingness to speak about my illness, I am a role model.

Voices: In publicizing the film, you probably have appeared in front of groups of people, including reporters, who do not know anything about mental illness. How do you feel about being in a position to teach people who are ignorant about mental illness?

JC: That's like one of our number-one goals of making this film: to teach people who have no idea what mental illness is and, like I said before, to fight stigma.

Voices: Have you shared your personal story with others in a live setting?

JC: Yes.

Voices: How comfortable are you when people who do not have mental illness approach you in a live setting after you've bared your soul through a speech? And they're right there, right in front of you, asking you questions, how do you feel about that?

JC: I think it's wonderful. I mean that's one of our main goals. Voices: According to the film, you have family and clinical support, you take your meds, you volunteer and you have your art—what else do you want to achieve on your road to recovery?

JC: I think it's just continuing what I'm doing right now. That's basically it. I don't know if there's really anything else I want to do. Like you said, I want to continue with my art, continue speaking. There is one new thing that I want to do. I'm starting to film my life again. I need funding for that.

Voices: Is this like a part 2 of "People say I'm Crazy?"

JC: Yeah, it's sort of a continuation. How I'm approaching it is: I'm not going to have any preconceived notions about what it's going to be. I'm sort of leaving it open-ended. And based on what is happening in my life, I'll just film that.

Voices: Have you gotten any negative feedback about the film?

JC: Actually, it's pretty amazing, we have not gotten any negative feedback. We were just in New York City for the theatrical opening of the film and we had no bad reviews. We were reviewed by The New York Times, New York magazine, and Time Out: New York and they all gave us great reviews.

Voices: How would you feel were a bad review to come out?

JC: Oh, we'd probably be devastated. We'd probably say that they're just…actually we have no idea.
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