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"I am the hardest nut to crack!" Of that I was so totally convinced, having tried a million times to quit—with always the same result: disgrace, dishonor, disillusionment and disgust. That is what cigarettes came down to for twenty-five years.

It proved, however, to be a 'smoke screen.' The folks at Nicotine Anonymous (with help from Our Creator) made the bubble burst in an instant—to float away and never to return. To this end, I will always attend Nicotine Anonymous meetings!

What's up with our delusions? How complete a fool did I have to be to permit cigarettes to control and ruin my life for so long?

We feed the belief that we can't stop with fantasies like, "I'm not the one whose head will roll over this habit." "I will live forever (with my Newports)!" And of course, "It relaxes me!" Looking back, I have come to realize that the sense of relaxation is like the relief experienced by the heroine addict. It interrupts, for a short time, the feeling of ill-ease, of sickness that is the urge—lifting, for a few brief moments the need for the 'fix.' That cycle of URGE/RELIEF is a helluva way to run our days!

Another great delusion is, "I enjoy it!" Wouldn't life be a lot MORE enjoyable without an addiction to feed? There are a lot more enjoyable and worthwhile activities to be involved with when we choose not to spend our money, our time and our energies obsessed with keeping the cigarette habit going, stinking up our breath and our clothes and killing ourselves, sucking in the poisons. Move on!

In my progress through mental illness and recovery, I have known the strategy of MOVING ON through my delusions, learning while I go to be the hope of 'breaking through' to the other side—to the solutions to problems. In so doing, I could grow up and recover in real, substantial ways. In regard to cigarette smoking, this has hopefully added years to my life.

Life has more to offer us than a deadly habit and a fantasy—of this I am certain!