People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think we’re seeking an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive—the late Joseph Campbell, world famous anthropologist
Fourteen years of my life were wasted. Actually, when I look back, I can see those years really weren’t wasted.
I was on a medication called Haldol for schizoaffective disorder. Now I’m on an atypical, one of the newer anti-psychotic medications. It’s made a difference. For me, it’s a good medication. I found something that works. I don’t sleep 12 hours a night any longer, just a reasonable eight hours. I don’t feel that awful stiffness and dragging gait that became so much a part of my life. I have tons of energy again and I can smile easily. I read again. I haven’t read like this in fourteen years! And, vastly important, I can feel again.
I feel the warm breezes on my face and notice the colorful flowers and enjoy the rain. My prayer life has returned. It works for me, for me.
Everyone’s biochemistry is different. I know people who thrive on Haldol with plenty of energy and productivity. For me, switching to an atypical made the difference. For me Haldol wasn’t preferable. Life after Haldol is precious.
But one can live under Haldol even with side effects. I made a solid, long-term friendship under the drug, which I was very proud of and I went back to college and did well. It was hard, but I did it.
Please don’t give up on life because you’re under a psychiatric drug with side effects. Acknowledge your limitations. Do not denigrate yourself for what you can’t do and focus on what you can do. Work through the inertia. I couldn’t take a full class-load, sometimes only one class and not more than two. I read the text over and over and over because the words didn’t make it through to my head.
Friends really pick up your mood. The drug can slow you down, but you don’t need to add depression on top of it too! Friends helped me out of depression.
When I was coping with clinical depression, I’ll never forget moments like when I pulled my dragging body out of bed and brewed a cup of black coffee. Even if you feel dead, you can still feel satisfied by the little things that you accomplish. It may be as simple as saying nice things to yourself when you make that pot of java in the morning.
I was terrified of changing medications and I put it off. I liked sanity and Haldol gave me that. I chose to take a risk by trying a new drug and it paid off. If you’re being asked to change to another drug that may work better for you, you are the one who decides. I wish it were an easy decision to make, but it’s not. Find the best medication for you and be compliant. That’s the best way to be successful as a person with mental illness.
Researchers are working around the clock to come up with new medications for the market. If nothing is working at present, there is still great hope.
Now they are finding that cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT) are working well with people who have schizophrenia. CBT is a certain kind of mental self-talk, words that alleviate the symptoms of psychosis. Imagine that! No doubt about it, the field holds promise to those coping daily with mental illness.