Rick Sostchen (yelling to co-worker): O.K., Delores, I've got the call!
Hi, Ms. Baumgarten, this is Rick Sostchen. Oh, yes, I remember now. You were in our Baltic Street office about two years ago. You were showing me pictures of your beautiful grandchildren. As I recall, you were knitting a lovely woolen sweater for one of them. How may I help you?
(listening)
You'd like to come into our office later today...
(listening)
...and rip my freaking lungs out. Were you dissatisfied with our services, Ms. Baumgarten? (Wincing and holding phone away from ear). I'm not going to be able to understand you if you keep shouting, Ms. Baumgarten. Did you say I was a mother-tucker?
(listening)
Oh, oh, right, got ya. Well, maybe if you explain what the problem is, I could help to correct it.
(listening)
You came into our office, yes.
(listening)
You asked me how much money a person could have in the bank if they received SSI, right?
(listening)
I told you that it was $3,000...
(listening)
Ms. Baumgarten: It turned out to be $2,000, you idiot.
Rick: You know, Ms. Baumgarten, you really shouldn't call yourself an id...
(listening)
Oh, got it, I'm the idiot. What happened then?
(listening)
You received a letter from Social Security…
(listening)
You now owe them 27 million dollars! You must have really been getting the SSI maximum.
(listening)
They want the 27 million dollars back by this Friday.
(listening)
Oh, next Friday, next Friday, whew.
(listening)
You say you may have to auction off the grandkids.
(listening)
And it would be a shame because you nearly finished knitting their sweaters. Listen, Ms. Baumgarten, have you tried to make some sort of payment agreement?
(listening)
You did try.
(listening)
They turned you down.
(listening)
They said according to Social Security's rules, they can only agree to a payment plan that would be finished sometime in this millennium.
(listening)
Sure, I'd be happy to look that up.
(listening)
They also said that your 27 million was the only way at this point to prevent privatization.
(listening)
Uh, huh. Next election you're certainly not voting for Bush again. Anyway, Ms. Baumgarten, I'm certainly sorry for my silly little mistake.
(listening)
Right you are. That would be freaking 27 million dollars worth of silly little mistakes. Well, this certainly explains some of your answers on the customer satisfaction survey we sent to you. And, by the way, I framed that nice picture you drew of me laying on a sofa bed.
(listening)
That wasn't a sofa bed?
(listening)
Didn't I see those three small letters you put on the headboard? Actually, I did. I assume they stood for Rick is Precious. Oh, um, yeah, it could stand for that too. I was wondering, Ms. Baumgarten, do you think you could lower the sound on your television a bit, it's a little distracting. Do you have The Sopranos on?
(listening)
It's not The Sopranos.
(listening)
You've brought in some muscle from Chicago.
(listening)
You've put out a what on me?
(listening)
You know, Ms. Baumgarten, I'm not sure an out-of-state contract like that is even binding in New York. You really should hire locally.
(listening)
Uh, huh, they've agreed to do it for free.
(listening)
They say they're looking forward to it.
(listening)
Yes, I do think it was an excellent idea not to go union.
(listening)
Great, I'll be expecting you and your "little friends" at 4:15 this afternoon.
(listening)
No, Ms. Baumgarten, our building doesn't have a security guard.
(listening)
Nope, no hidden cameras either.
(listening)
Uh, no alarm system. At one time we had one, but the state sold it and bought our office a microwave oven.
(listening)
(Enthusiastically) Yes, I guess we are good to go! By the way, Ms. Baumgarten, you should have no trouble recognizing me when you and your friends get here. I've grown a beard and changed my name to Isaac Brown. Later!
(Rick Sostchen puts down the phone)