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Everything is relative in life. Many people have considerably fewer psychological complications in their whole lives than I am facing right now. For me, my mental health at this time is better than it’s ever been. By looking at my present condition from the standpoint of someone who has undergone extreme hardship I know that I’m incredibly lucky to be as healthy as I am. My improvement has been made possible by the newer medications now available to mental health consumers and by the improvements in psychiatric care that have taken place over the last few decades.
After ten years of slow improvement in a psychiatric ward, during which time I was given newer medications for the first time, I was able to move into my own apartment in level one housing. Level one is the lowest level of care for the mentally ill. At this time my psychiatrist put me on another of the newer medications, which changed my life dramatically. I was calmer and more peaceful then I had ever dreamed possible.
Previously, my psychiatric care was erratic; I would go from clinic to clinic. I have been stable in one hospital for the past nine years, as an outpatient, and have had only two different psychiatrists. I have also found an excellent therapist, who I have been with for over five years.
My mental health problems became apparent very early; I was unhappy even as a child and never fit in with the crowd or did well academically (for the most part). From junior high, to high school I attended a boarding school in Massachusetts. By the time I was fifteen I was already seeing the head psychiatrist at Austin Riggs Outpatient Center, in Stockbridge, Mass. Our sessions were totally unproductive; I would lie down on a couch and we would say nothing the whole time. I wasn’t able to graduate and my depression was deepening; I decided to go to a halfway house (farm), in Vermont. Unfortunately this environment proved inappropriate at the time; most of the people there were much sicker than I was (I had never been in a mental hospital at that time).
Following that time, I stabilized sufficiently to go to college in Vermont. After two and a half years, my father died and I lost all touch with reality. I spent time going from institution to institution (four times were spent in a state hospital), and was put on different medications, none of which helped me significantly.
The greater part of my life was a total horror story. Finally, with the newer medications, and better therapy, I became more stable. I was able to climb out of the darkness I was in to feeling like a whole, normal human being. I am extremely grateful for the progress in research on mental health disorders. The combination of the medications that they have developed in the last ten years along with the greater stability in treatment and doctors who really care has given me hope for a much better way of life for myself, and for others as well. If there is hope for me, there is hope for anyone.